Friday, July 9, 2010

Things I Believe In

1) Filling up my car with gas only after the gas light has been on long enough to require fervent prayer all the way to the gas station.

2) Waving to your neighbors. I know the Bible says to Love thy Neighbor. I'm not asking for all that. You ain't gotta love me. You don't have to give me eggs, butter, or baked goods either. Just raise one hand and kinda twitch it a little bit when you know I"m right in front of your face.

3) Picking up your dog's crap if it lands in my yard. Your dog is kinda cute.His poop, however, is not. It makes a mess when hit with the lawn mower and is gagalicious to wipe off of shoes or feet.

4)Publix cakes. I don't know who taught the head bakery mug how to bake, but daaaaaamn. That's some good eatin' right there.

5) Splurging for decent quality toilet paper & paper towels.

6) Huggies ability to leak and ruin children's clothing and beddding and anything else in its wake. I know some people swear by this brand but neither of my children's butts were too keen on being Huggied.

7)Not getting married if your private parts are ADHD and can't be comfortable in the same spot.

8) Tom Cruise's brainwashing ability.

9)Your personality extends to your hair follicles. I already know I never want to attempt to wax some of you guys.

10) Restricting leashes to dogs and sweaters to humans. If you are that worried about your kid getting lost, superglue them to your hip. It will look much less ridiculous, I swear. And the doggie sweater thing, that's just gay.

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